Alice And Jasper Go Back And Forth
by 1bluesapphire
Summary: Its like the Blackadder Episode, but Cullen Style!
1. Chapter 1

Alice and Jasper go back and forth

Prologue

It was a chilly New Year's Eve in Forks, but then again, Forks was always cold. It had the reputation of being the wettest part of Washington, and if you're a vampire, like my good friends the Cullen's, that weather is suitable for you.

If you don't know who the Cullen's are, allow me to quickly introduce them. There were Carlisle and Esme Cullen, who acted as parents to their adoptive children.

Then there were Alice and Rosalie, who were both very fond of shopping, sisters and best friends.

Emmett, Jasper, and Edward were also good mates and brothers. They would often challenge one another to games and the like.

Bella Swan was Edward's girlfriend, and generally got on well with all off the Cullen's, except Rosalie. But they will eventually become friends.

However, it is my duty to tell a New Year's Eve tale. Alice and Jasper had been planning a wonderful prank all year, and it was a prank that had unforeseeable results.

The Cullen's and Bella never forgot it as long as they lived.

BTW, this is somewhat AU, as the year is 2013, and Bella was already a vampire by then. She's still human in this story.


	2. New Year's Eve

The bits in **Bold **are from the movie Blackadder, and they fit the scenes. I don't own them, but I shall make some changes to them.

Time Machine

New Year's Eve had arrived in America, and the whole country was doing their bit to welcome in the New Year. Lots of family's were now glancing at their watches and clocks, as there were only sixty minutes left of 2013.

The Cullen's, who lived in the forest on the outskirts of a town called Forks, were also counting down the minutes.

"Fifty-eight minutes and twelve seconds to go." Alice called from where she and Jasper were playing Chess.

"Well, it's certainly been an interesting year." Bella said, happily. She and Emmett were playing Scrabble with Rosalie, and she had just put down the word "great," which was worth 6 points.

"Nice score, Bella." Rosalie said, and wrote it down. "Now, speaking of interesting years, I think my most interesting one was 1936, when I met my other half." She added, and gave Emmett a kiss on the cheek.

Emmett smiled, and using Bella's "R", he put down the word "rabbit" which was worth 10 points. Rosalie wrote that down, and was just about to examine her letters, when Carlisle said, "Another year has been and almost gone."

Everyone nodded, and Bella added, **"If history teaches us anything, it is in the words of Saint Bert, what that world needs know is love, sweet love."**

Alice rolled her eyes, and retorted, **"What complete and utter rubbish. If history teaches us anything, it's that it's one long round of death, torture, and discovery. Not to mention, burning people as witches because they have a wart or can do things that are out of the ordinary."**

At her words, Jasper stood up, and said, "I shall go and find another game, Alice." He left the room, but not before he gave Alice a discrete wink.

Rosalie said, **"Well, I think now is a good time to look to the future."**

Alice rolled her eyes a second time, and said "That's my area of expertise, **and it might also be a good idea to look to the past."**

Bella chuckled, and said, "**Unless you're sitting on the lavatory, you can't see something that's already happened."**

The Cullen's burst out laughing at her joke, and Bella laughed along with them.

Alice calmed down, and added, **"Or if one has a time machine."**

"**How likely is that?" **Rosalie challenged her.

"**Well very likely, Rose, 'cause Jasper and I have just built one." **She replied.

Rosalie looked stumped, but Emmett said, **"I've heard some rubbish in my time, almost every time I open my mouth. But a time machine, now that's unbelievable." **

"**I can assure you that it's true, and I'd like to show you." **Alice said, and leading her family into their attic, revealed her time machine.

"It looks well built, but surely it's not real." Rosalie said.

"I can assure you, Rosalie that this is indeed real, and the greatest form of travel since the Wright Brothers invented the first plane and named it after themselves." Alice replied, looking smug.


	3. Chapter 3- The Items

_This chapter is dedicated to TheDramionePrincess, for reviewing my story._

The Items

_Previously on Alice and Jasper go Back and Forth:_

"_It looks well built, but surely it's not real." Rosalie said._

"_I can assure you, Rosalie that this is indeed real, and the greatest form of travel since the Wright Brothers invented the first plane and named it after themselves." Alice replied, looking smug._

Rosalie snorted in disbelief, and Alice, rolling her eyes for the third time that evening, said, "**In fact, I'll bet you each $10,000.00 that Jasper and I can go through time and bring back any historical items that you choose to nominate. So, Rosalie, what do you think?"**

Rosalie looked thoughtful before replying, **"Well, if you can really travel through time, I'll pay up so long as you bring back…." Here she paused for dramatic effect, "A genuine first-edition play script of Romeo and Juliet, signed by William Shakespeare himself."**

Alice raised an eyebrow, but said "O.K, **anyone else?"**

Carlisle smiled at his daughter, and replied, "**How about a real Vikings helmet?"**

"**Sure, that's not too hard. Anyone else?"**

Emmett grinned at her and said, **"If you can get this, I'll give you $40,000.00. I want you to get me the nails that held Jesus to the cross the day he was crucified." **

Bella said, "**An autographed copy of Pride and Prejudice, by Jane Austen."**

Alice snickered, and said quietly under her breath, "Always a classical person."

"Edward, Esme, how about you?" She asked.

"**I'd like a picture of you and Jasper with Queen Elizabeth the First." **Esme said, thoughtfully.

"Cool, I'll be the inventor of the digital camera, then." Alice said, smiling. "What about you, Edward?" She asked.

"**Well, seeing as my biological mother wouldn't let me fight in WW1, I'd like a full British soldier's uniform." **He finished with a smile.

Alice smiled back. "**Well then, I shall now be on my way. It will of course take up no time here. I shall merely step in, there will be a momentary shuddering, and I will emerge triumphant and very rich."**

Waving goodbye to her family, Alice chuckled at Jasper, and said, "**This is very impressive, and let's move the machine around a bit, and make it look real." **

When the time machine stopped shaking, Alice said, **"Come on Jasper, we've got a lot of money to wire into our accounts." **Alice opened the door, and stared in absolute confusion at what she saw.

I will update soon, and many thanks to TheDramionePrincess, for her kind reviews.


	4. Chapter 4- Carlisle's Viking Helmet

By the way, words written like _this _in this chapter are in Norwegian, but I like to be exact with my translations.

Carlisle's Viking Helmet

Alice couldn't believe her eyes. Instead of standing in front of her family as she expected, she was standing in the storage room of what had to be a ship. She could tell it was a ship, mainly because of all the life jackets, and spare life boats.

"Hey, Alice, where do you think we are?" Jasper asked. Alice looked over her shoulder to see Jasper with the same confused expression that she was wearing on his face.

"Well, I'd say that it's the storage room of some kind of ship, although where exactly we are, I'm not entirely sure." She responded, taking in her surroundings. "Another things for certain, I think we just spent all year building a real time machine."

Jasper's honey-coloured eyes widened in shock and surprise; he couldn't believe it. "So you're saying that we've actually gone forwards or backwards in time?" He said, and Alice nodded.

Before they had any more time to work out where they were, a red-headed girl came running in. She was looking for a life jacket, but when she spotted Alice and Jasper, she demanded "Who_ are you?"_

Alice and Jasper looked at her in confusion. The language didn't sound very familiar, and so therefore, they didn't know how to respond.

Alice hopped that the girl could speak English, and so replied, "I'm sorry, I don't understand."

The girl frowned at Alice, trying to understand her, but had no success.

As Alice and the unknown girl looked at each other, Jasper suddenly said, "_My name is Jasper, and this is my wife, Alice."_

Alice looked at him in pure astonishment. "What language are you speaking?"

"Norwegian, she's actually speaking Norse, but the two languages are similar. This is the Viking Period, and we can get Carlisle his Viking Hat."

Then, turning to the girl, said "_I apologise for disturbing you, but we had a collision with our transportation device."_

The girl smiled, and said "_That's O.K. and I hope you don't have another collision."_

Having said that, the girl walked over to a pile of spare hats, and held one out to Jasper.

"_Do you want one?" _She asked, and Jasper nodded.

"_I'll show you the way out, the crew are still asleep." _The Viking girl, whose name was Amanda, said, and led them to where the time machine was standing. Alice and Jasper thanked the girl, and climbed into the time machine, to embark on another adventure.


	5. Chapter 5

Just a little fun chapter

Conversation with the Characters

Caiusbabygirl: Hi There! You know who I am, and sitting with me are Alice Cullen and Jasper Hale.

Alice: Hi guys! This story is pretty cool, if you ask me.

Caiusbabygirl: Why, thank you Alice. That's very nice of you.

Jasper: It's a cool story, but Caiusbabygirl would like me to tell you that she doesn't own the characters, and that she really likes Caius.

Alice: O.K. if you're into that kind of evil thing.

Caiusbabygirl: I sure am. Grins evilly with a smirk that would rival Caius.'

Alice: Anyway, Caiusbabygirl would like to thank TheDramionePrincess for her kind reviews, and would some reviews before she carries on.

Alice, Jasper, and Caiusbabygirl: Enjoy, R&R, please!


	6. Chapter 6

Stuffing up History

Alice and Jasper still found it hard to believe that the time machine they had built as a New Year's Eve prank was actually fully functional.

"I can't believe it." Alice said, disbelievingly. However, she didn't have time to dwell on this peculiar thing, as there was a sickening thud, followed by a few sickening cracks.

"Uh, oh," Alice muttered, as Jasper added, "That didn't sound good."

He climbed up to the window, opened it, and stuck his head out. The scene before him was catastrophic. They had landed in the main square of a huge, darkened city. Flying overhead were several planes, each carrying a bomb underneath. Some of the bombs were falling through the air, and exploding as they reached the ground.

But despite the fact that all of this was particularly upsetting, nothing shocked Jasper more than noticing that each plane had a swastika painted on it.

"Oh dear, this is not good, Alice. We've landed in London in the Second World War." Alice bit her lip, and thought for a minute. "Well, I think the best thing to do know would be to get the hell out of here." She said, and they did, not realizing that they had landed on top of Winston Churchill, killing him. It also meant that the Nazi's won the war, changing the entire world. There was only a handle of languages, English and German based, and only the Deutschemark as its currency.


	7. Chapter 7

In Honor Of Easter

"Well, Alice, I wonder where we are going to go next?" Mused Jasper, as he pondered this.

"Well, I don't know about you, but I would really like to know that I'm going to get forty thousand dollars from Emmett. Remember, he said that he'd give us the money if we gave him the nails that hung Jesus to the Cross on the day He was crucified."

"Hmm, Jesus was before our time, Alice, and I'd really like to meet Him." Jasper said, but then frowned. "How would He react to two bona-fide vampires in His midst?"

Alice gave him a reassuring smile. "Jesus loves everyone, Jasper. Maybe, when we die as vampires, we might get some credit for trying, and get to go to Heaven."

The machine stopped just then, and Alice and Jasper stepped out into the warm air of a late night. The air was warm because there were fires lit outside a large palace. Alice and Jasper headed towards one fire, to warm themselves up; even though they didn't really need to.

Alice spotted a young man warming himself, and heard a woman ask, "Are you the friend of the King of the Jews?"

"No, I'm not." Said the man, and Alice realised that this man was Peter, who had been one of Jesus' closest friends.

"You _are _His friend." Another woman told Peter, who, once again, denied it.

"You were with Him, Peter." Alice told him quietly, and as Peter denied it for a third time, a rooster crowed. Then, Alice, Jasper, Peter, and everyone else spotted a group of soldiers who were leading another Man.

This Man, who was Jesus, looked at Peter sadly. Peter stared back at Him, and then started to cry.

Jesus then looked in bewilderment at Alice and Jasper. He then smiled, and mouthed, "All is not lost, My Children."

Even though they knew that He would indeed rise again, it didn't stop either of them from crying out as they saw Jesus getting walloped by the Roman soldiers.

Alice let out a sob when she saw Him hanging there, and thought, _We are so evil, and He's good. However, it's because of us that He's hanging there, with all of our sins upon His shoulders._

Shame and guilt overwhelmed her, and she looked away from the Cross, unshed tears glistening in her honey coloured eyes.

Three days later, however, Alice was very happy. Judging by the sun, it was about ten to six in the morning. Jesus would be alive again, and Alice wanted to see Him.

"Come on, Jasper, let's go see Him." She said quietly, and the two vampires left the city of Jerusalem, and were in Golgotha fifty seconds later, thanks to their fast speed.

While they were searching for Him, Alice heard someone calling her by her full name. It was a kind and gentle voice, and it sounded absolutely nothing like Jasper's.

She froze, and slowly turned around to see the Lord Jesus standing behind her, and smiling kindly. Her mouth dropped open, and her eyes widened until they were as round as marble.

She was quite tongue-tied, as well. She couldn't think of anything sensible to say to the Saviour who had just died for the sake of everyone.

Then her mouth formed a fairly reasonable question. "Why did You let us come here?"

He laughed kindly, and said, "My dear Alice, I wanted to meet you. Surely that's alright with you?"

Alice grinned, and nodded, and smiled as He embraced her, and planted a very soft and gentle kiss on her forehead.

The time-travelers stayed until Jesus went to Heaven.

"Will we get to go, even if we are what we are?" Alice asked Him, and He smiled.

"I see no reason why not. You're doing your best to be as human as you can, given the fact that you are vampires." He said gently.

As He headed towards His Celestial Home, Alice called, "Good bye, dear Friend. Don't stay away too long."*

As they headed back to the time-machine, Alice put a hand inside her jacket pocket, and felt something.

Curious, she pulled it out, and saw that it was the nails that held Jesus to the Cross.

"Thank-you." She said, as she and Jasper headed on their next adventure.

* One of the last bits of dialogue in Mary Poppins, and I thought it was fitting.

AN: Well, I hope you enjoyed that, and I hope you have a wonderful Easter, if you celebrate it.


	8. Chapter 8

The Queen and the Bard

Having just met Jesus, Alice and Jasper waved good-bye, before deciding where to go next.

"Well, Queen Elizabeth the 1st and William Shakespeare were in the same time zone." Alice said, thoughtfully.

"Hmm, I wonder if they ever met each other?" Jasper mused thoughtfully.

"Well, we could always ask Carlisle, I suppose," Alice said, and dialed the number of their house in America.

To her slight surprise, however, a female voice on the other line said, "This number will not exist for two hundred years."

Alice sighed, and hung up. "Well, that's not going to happen any time soon."

Jasper chuckled lightly, and twisted the right hand knob slightly to the left. At the same time, he was also holding a book in his hands.

Alice eyed the book with some curiosity. "What's that book?" She inquired.

"It tells me what to do in order to go somewhere specific. Unfortunately, it doesn't tell me how to get home."

Alice's topaz eyes widened in surprise. "You mean, we're going to be stuck in here forever? It's not like the TARDIS, being bigger on the inside."

Jasper just smiled again. "Now that I can fix," he said, and snapped his fingers.

Instantly, the area around them suddenly grew bigger, much to Alice's surprise. She turned to smile at Jasper, but then she let out a shriek.

It was as if she were stuck inside the show Doctor Who. For right in front of her stood a very bemused Tenth Doctor, and she couldn't see Jasper anywhere.

"Excuse me, but have you seen a friend of mine around?" She asked.

The Doctor collapsed into a fit of hysterical laughter, and regenerated into Jasper himself.

"I'm a master of disguise," he said, still laughing, and Alice rolled her eyes.

"Nice work on the Time Machine, Jasper." Alice said, her eyes shinning.

"Yeah, you might want to call it TARDIS the second." He said. "Listen."

Alice listened hard, and soon heard the TARDIS sound.

"You've left the brakes on." She said, as she and Jasper left the time machine.

Once outside, Alice turned to look at the time machine, and laughed. "It's a piano." She said, with a slight giggle.

The area was somewhat dark, but not pitch black. Alice glanced up at the sky, and the sun was setting.

"So, where are we going?" Alice asked, and Jasper grinned.

"We're going to visit the Queen." He declared, and held up a small box with carvings of butterflies on it.

He then opened it carefully, and showed Alice the beautiful piece of jewelery inside. It was a necklace with sixteen pearls, each one separated by a sapphire.

Alice gasped. "That must be priceless." She said, gasping.

"It was my mother's, it was her something blue at her wedding." He said, before adding, "She left it behind for me in her will, and I've had it copied. One copy I gave to you on our wedding day, but I didn't know what to do with this one." Jasper said, and smiled.

As it turned out, it was the 7th of September, which was the date of Queen Elizabeth the 1st's birthday.

Jasper told the guard that he had a birthday present for the Queen, and he wished to give it to her in person.

The guard frowned, but, as luck would have it, out came Queen Elizabeth herself.

"What pray, is going on here?" She asked sternly.

Jasper sank into a low bow, and said, "Many Happy Returns of the day, your Majesty."

The Queen eyed him with some perplexity.

"Thank you, and what pray, is that box in your hand?" She asked, her voice somewhat warmer than before.

"Tis a birthday present, for you Mam." Jasper said, and handed it to her.

She carefully took the box from him, and opened it. Then she gasped.

"You naughty fellow! This is possibly the most beautiful thing a commoner has given me." The Queen said, and sniffed.

"For being so nice to me, would you like to see Romeo and Juliet with me?" She asked, and the two time travellers had to agree.

After the play, Alice told the Queen that she had invented a device that allowed people to take pictures.

"You see, Mam, my mother wants a picture of the three of us together."

"That's fine, my dear." the Queen said simply, and she actually smiled in the photo.

Then, just as they bade the Queen good-bye, Shakespeare turned up, and gave Alice a copy of Romeo and Juliet.

On it he had written: To my best fan Rose, I hope you enjoy reading this, and I hope you keep it safe. Much love, W.S.

"Thanks! Rose will love it!" Alice said, and bade him good-bye, too. Then she and Jasper headed back to their "TARDIS," to set off on another adventure.


End file.
